Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
