feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
