He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
