So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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