Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
