I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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