It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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