this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize