she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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