No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
