So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
