dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
