I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
