We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
