What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
third nipple confirmed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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