Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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