I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
