He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
