I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
