We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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