wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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