Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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