i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
