we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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