I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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