I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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