How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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