It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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