it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize