dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
