i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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