She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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