Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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