Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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