Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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