JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize