the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So many bounce houses so little time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hippo gnu deer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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