I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
