my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
