Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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