when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
