I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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