We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
