the condom got lost in my hair
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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