So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
