I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
