recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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