First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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