My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
