I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
