Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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