Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
