Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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