My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What a dumb baby whore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
