Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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