True but thats because hes a fetus.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
