Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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