Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
